I spent some time last week packing up his 0-3 month clothes and thought I was going to cry. He's SO big these days, and I think there are moments I still mourn the loss of truly experiencing his newborn days. That was one of those moments. He only got to wear most of those clothes once, if at all. It still makes me sad.
There have been times I could have gone there. I could have thrown myself a great big pity party and wallowed in the fact that he's so different from other babies. I could have focused on the things I didn't get to experience with him, or think about the things that are still a struggle for him (like rolling over, dangit!)
But I didn't. And I haven't, lately.
Instead, I choose to think about how far this amazing little boy has come. I mean, really.... at one point, not too long ago, my son's heart stopped beating and he wasn't breathing. There were no signs of life, and it took a grueling 11 minutes to bring him back.
Think about that for a minute.
When I allow myself to go there, to that awful night, it makes these other hurdles seem so small. Sure, I want to monitor his development and express any concerns I may have. But, I mean, really. Five years down the road, will it matter if he rolled over at 4 months or 9? Probably not. Will it matter if he NEVER took a full bottle? Probably not.
Instead of going there, I am choosing to remain here.
Here is where my miracle baby is 7 months old. Here is where I look at his scars and am GRATEFUL for his life. Here is where I savor every sweet moment I have with him, and look forward to what joys the next day will bring.
There is no where else I'd rather be, than right here.
Happy 7 months, Ethan. I love you more than you know.
6 comments:
Joye, this is so sweet! I can't believe it's been 7 months. Ethan is such a big boy now.
I know what you mean about the clothes- there is something bittersweet about packing up baby clothes anyway, but even more so when they remind you of a difficult time. We had a bunch of newborn dresses that C never got to wear. But like you said, it's so much better to dwell on where they are today, knowing how far they have come.
Happy seven months, Ethan!
This was well written. Excellent post.
It's a funny thing about those babies, they just keep growing.
Happy Birthday, Ethan!!
Joye, this post really touched me. Everyone's struggles are different, some more severe than others, but we all have a choice about perspective. I have been thinking about this concept a lot lately, and I've been working on focusing on the good in my life, so your words really hit home. Watching the grace you and Jeramie have displayed has given me a lot of hope and encouragement. Your family is such a blessing!
precious. thanks for sharing your heart!
Awesome post! Full of emotions.
You are an amazing mommy. Your strength and love will make him stronger and full of life. There will always be a sign of life!
E-man is gorgeous AND perfect.
Like I've told you, that miracle baby was blessed to be born with such amazing parents, as you guys were blessed with such a little (or chumba) miracle!!
Look how chumbie-wumbie he is!!
No wonder those weird aunts pinched cheeks.
Happy 7 months Ethan!! I love you sooo much!!!
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