Provision.

Since becoming Ethan's mama, one truth has been repeatedly pounded into my heart and my soul: God is faithful.  I've grown up in church all my life, so my mind has always known this to be true, but only in the past four years has my heart grasped it as well.

Sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I lose sight of His faithfulness and I begin to doubt and worry.  But! Every single time, God brings me right back to this place.  He's even faithful in proving His faithfulness! It's a good thing I'm not God.  I would have surely rolled my eyes at myself and left me to figure it out on my own by now.

Not only is He faithful, He's so very good, too.

With that said, I have an announcement to make...

Mama's got a J-O-B!

But first, let me back up a bit.  Stick with me for a minute, please...

Since June of 2009 (with the exception of the year I went back to work full-time), our family has received SSI and Medicaid benefits for Ethan.  While the system is completely flawed and incredibly frustrating, those benefits were a massive blessing for us.  The monthly check we received allowed me to stay home with Ethan so that I could be present for therapies, appointments, and hospital stays, and Medicaid paid for all of those things.  We knew God was using those benefits to provide for us, so we swallowed our pride and accepted the help.  Replacing a full-time salary with a government-issued disability check came with a huge lifestyle change, but it was just enough for everything we needed.

In March of this year, we found out that we no longer qualified for SSI payments because of the "resource limit".  That was a hard pill to swallow, but we pressed on.  We fought the decision, which extended Ethan's Medicaid coverage for six more months, and ultimately we believed that everything would be reinstated in September.

Well, we found out last month that we have been indefinitely denied.  We will no longer be receiving the supplemental monthly income and Ethan's medical expenses will no longer be covered under Medicaid.

I won't lie; I was MAD.  It felt as if we were being punished for maneuvering this system with honesty and integrity.  I cried - a lot.  I remember sitting on the floor of our walk-in closet, sobbing over the phone to Jeramie.  At that moment, everything - from our adoption to how we would buy groceries the next week - was up in the air.  As I expressed to him that I was scared and didn't know what we would do, he spoke truth to me.  He reminded me that God is our faithful provider.  He didn't know what would happen, either, but he was confident that just as everything had changed so quickly for the worse, it could just as quickly swing back the other way.

That was on a Tuesday.

On Thursday morning, two days later, I went to a rising-kindergartner tour of a local elementary school.  The principal and I taught together for five years and he has since become the principal of this new school.  It's one of my top choices for Ethan and it was my very first school tour.

That morning, I walked into the building as a prospective parent and walked out a couple hours later with a job offer. "Floored" doesn't even begin to describe how I felt when he casually asked me, "Hey... would you be interested in some part-time work?" I was (still am!) utterly blown away by God's faithfulness and goodness.

My answer was a resounding "YES!" and, as of yesterday, I have returned to the Wake County Public School System.  I've been given the incredible opportunity to teach/tutor kindergarten and 1st grade special education students while Ethan is in preschool, and I couldn't be more thrilled!

We still have a long couple of months to go before my first paycheck, but I am confident in the Lord's provision.  He has reminded me, yet again, that He is our hope, our provider, our cornerstone. He is faithful.

This will be a slight adjustment for me, so please pray that I will manage my time wisely and settle into this new routine gracefully. 

Here's to new adventures for 2014!