Friday, April 24, 2009


Last night was ridiculously awful.

Once Jeramie and I were alone in our hotel room, the reality that our baby was NOT with us set in and I lost it. I missed him so much. The past 4 weeks I've laid in a bed beside him and enjoyed holding him every chance I got. We changed diapers in the middle of the night, dressed him, played with him, sang to him, read him stories, and really began the process of getting to know who he is. I missed that. I clung to the blanket he coded in because it's the one thing we have that smells like him.

Not only did I miss him physically, I missed HIM. I missed his cry, his cough, the way he sneezes 3 times in a row. I missed the way his face looks when he's pooping. I missed that sweet, sweet smile. I missed the personality that was beginning to develop. I missed our son.

I can't explain the heartache that comes along with knowing that he seemed so healthy one day, and then so sick the next. When I think about my Ethan, my sweet baby who was beating all the odds, it makes our current situation seem SO much worse. Don't get me wrong. I am COMPLETELY thankful for those 4 weeks, but I feel like we got a small taste of what we deserve, and then it was ripped away from us.

However, the doctors have reassured us that our son IS still in there, and he's fighting to come out. Until then, we will continue to do what we can to let Ethan know that we are still here, too.

Lord, please bring him back to us.


Erin Kala said...

Hey guys. I having been looking daily for updates and I can honestly say I was shocked to tears at school yesterday. Just as a friend to you guys, I am frustrated and questioning why this is happening and I can only begin to realize how you two are feeling. I am doing the little I feel I can do by praying and telling everyone I know to pray for Ethan as well. Please know that you are loved and I will be waiting for some great news to follow! That boy is a fighter. Love you and know that we all care about you so much!

Anonymous said...

Hey Joye and Jeremy,
I don't know you but have been getting the updates through our homegroup and your blog. Thanks for posting. Hang in there.... We're praying for you and for Ethan.

amy hathaway said...

honey, we are all there with you and Jeramie and with Ethan.

All of our hearts are aching for your family now.

Anonymous said...

Our prayers continue for Ethan and you and Jeramie! Hang in there! God has a plan and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason even if it is difficult for us to understand. Continue to have faith! Sending love and prayers, Michelle Pyburn

Anonymous said...

Joye and Jeramie, my thoughts and prayers are with your family. Hang in there and be strong for your baby boy.
Belinda Roberson

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I'm John Enzor's Mother. John and Dana have kept us appraised of your situation as well as I have been following your blog. While I can't imagine being in your situation we had one similar with our first son, John's older brother, Matthew. We were told when he was six weeks old that he would not survive the night without surgery but he probably wouldn't survive the surgery if it was performed. We immediately called out for prayer. We were blessed with a miracle. Matthew not only survived but he now has a son of his own. I have never understood why or what happened but I do believe that prayer was the deciding factor. Please know that you have a great many people who you will probably never ever meet praying for Ethan and you. Don't give up. My prayer is that God will grant you a miracle. I pray he will bless you with his peace which is truly beyond human understanding just like he did us over 30 years ago.

You are truly in our prayers,

Benny and Teresa Enzor

Anonymous said...

Joye and Jeramie, My heart aches for you and I will continue to keep you and Ethan in my prayers! Just know that you are surrounded by lots of friends and family who care so much about you!
Terry Proctor

Anonymous said...

The three of us pray for the three of you to have the strength needed- non-stop. We can't wait for our families to hang out again.

Michael, Tiffany, & Fisher

Jessica Davis said...

I can't do anything throughout my day without stopping and praying for Ethan. I wake up praying for him, I get quiet during a haircut b/c I'm praying for him, I ignore Fred at dinner to pray, I pass out praying and the next day I felt like I haven't slept, just prayed. And there's nothing wrong with that! It's amazing how all of my clients, a lot of which haven't heard Ethan's whole journey, always say "oh, he'll make it just fine. don't you worry. God never gives you more than you can handle." and for some reason, even though they haven't seen what he looks like or known what's happened, I trust them 100%. I know it's frustrating that he's not home yet and doing all the things he should be doing, but wow what a blessing this happened while he was still there and not at the house. It stinks it had to happen to him, or any child for that fact, but it's all a part of that plan. That huge amazing plan. It'll happen when the time is right and perfect. It will come, I promise. And it will be the most amazing time of our life! I never felt like I could adore someone like I do my big sister..but you better step to the side honey b/c I love that little boy SO much and would do anything for him. I would give him my big ol' heart if it worked that way. I can't wait to see you Wednesday and our little Michelin Man. I'm goin to gobble him up so he'll know his Bubbie's there! I love you and see ya SO soon.

Anonymous said...

Hey! This is Anna Green...Josh Green from UNCG's wife. Just wanted you to know that you've been in our prayers and we've asked our friends to be praying for you all too. I appreciate you sharing your faith and honesty throughout this difficult journey!

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