Thursday, April 23, 2009

Oh yeah...

I should probably also mention that, at this point, his lungs are the biggest "issue". They were injured during all the aspirations, and Ethan was not successful on the vent (The Blue Monster) after being re-intubated. He's now on something called a jet ventilator, which is giving him 300 breaths per minute versus the 30-40 breaths he was receiving on the regular vent. The regular vent could cause more injury to the lungs, due to it giving him more deep, full breaths. Although the jet vent is giving him many more breaths per minute, they are shorter and more shallow, which won't cause as much trauma.

Once his "breathing" is stable and his oxygen saturation levels are stable, they will start him on a medication that will hopefully repair his lungs.

**halfway through this post, the nurse came out and said we could go back to see him again**

The latest is that Ethan's heart is beating entirely with the use of the pacemaker and he's still on the jet vent. One doctor ventured to say things are getting better, but he's still very, very sick. In this case, better doesn't really carry as much weight as we would like it to.

I find myself getting more angry by the minute. Yesterday, I had forgotten my son was sick while he smiled and cooed at me. Tonight, he's paralyzed and sedated. He's not breathing on his own, nor is his heart beating on it's own; and I'm angry. Why, God ... why?

22 comments:

Jonathan and Meredith Ellis said...

Just wanted you to know that I am at work thinking of you. I can only imagine how overwhelming all this stuff can be to a parent. I haven't been in your shoes, but as a nurse it can overwhelming and its not even my baby. We are praying for Ethan, you and Jeramie.

Love,
Meredith

christie smith said...

Oh honey... If only we had answers... I am continuing to pray and wish I could do more!! 2than has the best medical care you could ever hope for at Duke.. I wish so much I could be there with you guys.. I have been praying all night and wuill continue to pray that things will start to improve!

Anonymous said...

We are so saddened to hear this news - especially after the great progress this week. We are praying for you...hard!! Ethan is a strong, strong baby.

Michael and Tiffany Armstrong

Amanda said...

Joye- I wish I had something to tell you to make this seem better. Just know that we are praying for you and Jeramie for strength as well as Ethan's little body. I know you are all real tired. And just when you saw a light at the end of the tunnel it became dark again. Know that Jesus is sitting right beside you crying for you. Know that he feels your pain, anger and sadness. He will never let go! We love you!
Manda

Julianne17 said...

Fell asleep thinking about you all--and read the hard news this morning. Want you to know we're frustrated too. We were looking forward to him coming home so soon. You are going through the hardest thing imaginable. Love and concern, Julianne

Shannon Smith said...

We love you.

Mandy said...

thanks for all the updates. I sit her asking "why" as well and not really sure what else to say. thinking about you guys! love you

Jodi said...

My prayers are with the 3 of you. I understand your pain, anger, and questions...I wish there were more answers. I do know that Ethan is very fortunate to have such wonderful parents-there is a reason for that. You have an amazing team of doctors and nurses working with Ethan in the PICU and I have faith in their ability to help him get better. Hold on to each other for strength and know that our hearts and prayers are with you.
Jodi & Torrey
(Trevor's mom and dad)

Bernie said...

I love you all and am so sorry.

Heather Thompson said...

Joye, my heart breaks as I read your lastest post. Of course, for us it brings back memories of the PICU and how scary those times are.
Whatever you do, whatever news you recieve, Do Not Give Up HOPE. God is in control and he has a plan for Ethan.
The human side of us does want to ask "why" but I've learned recently that asking why will not get you answers. It can drive you crazy at times. Spend your energy on Ethan and taking care of yourself.
Please know that you are all in our prayers. May this be a time where you know there is only one set of footprints in the sand!

When I saw the video of Ethan smiling at you and then hours later read about him crashing, I thought about something someone said to Jodi while we were there... it is so hard when you have your highest high and lowest low all in a short time span. It's hard to take it all in and digest it.
May God bless you today ~ minute by minute, then hour by hour.
We are praying hard for Ethan!!!

Anonymous said...

There are no words that can express the sadness me and Paw Paw feel. If tears could heal Ethan, well enough said.

We love you, Jeramie and Ethan beyond measure.

Love Grandma A

Sam Ed. said...

Joy and Jeramie, I'm so sorry. Please know how surrounded by prayers you all are. We love the three of you so much.

Aaron and Allyson Horton said...

Aaron and I are continuing to pray for you guys. You are constantly in my prayers. We love you!

Scott and Kristen said...

I'm so sorry Jeramie & Joye - I certainly don't understand either but we continue to call out to God on Ethans behalf. Sending love your way...

Shannon Meyer said...

Please know that you are in our prayers. We love you.

jennynaree said...

You are in our prayers and while I can't imagine what you are feeling, I know that I too have been through the angry why stage and I have realized that is when I really have to hand things over to God.

Lots of Love,

Jennifer

Hugh Hollowell said...

Praying for you as you guys go through this.

Littlefoot Estrada said...

Mulli Family,

I am so sorry to hear of what is going on.. Know God is holding you through all of this and guiding you. You're in our thoughts and prayers. We love you!

Anne Meyer said...

Ethan, you are in my thoughts today! I will continue to pray for you and your mom and dad.

Patrick said...

praying for the three of y'all

Genia said...

Ethan, Joye, & Jeramie, you are in our prayers. I told Tyler and Nicholas this morning that Ethan was sick again. By the time, we made it to daycare, Nicholas was the in back seat balling. He was so sad and did not want to get out of the van because he wanted to go see Baby Ethan. I tell you this, because our little ones are praying for your little one. It is so sweet to hear their innocent prayers requesting healing for your sweet little boy.

I cannot imagine the heartbreak the two you must be feeling right now. I know you said you were angry with God, and I think it is okay to be angry with God sometimes. He is a big boy and he can handle it. We are human and emotions can leave us battered and confused. At the sametime, God is there and he is with Ethan and he is there with the two of you. Keep close to him and keep the faith, he will carry you through this.

We love the three of you so much and wish we were closer to be there with you. Either way, our prayers are still being heard and there are a lot of people around us praying for Ethan and the two of you as well. Love and hugs, Austin, Genia, Tyler, Nicholas, & Calie.

lieskie said...

wow - Joye - I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I was on Facebook last night so I knew something was going wrong, but I didn't hear until I got to school how bad things got. I know you and Jeramie were looking forwward to taking him home soon and doing all the "new parent" things - and now this setback. I am so sorry. You are in our thoughts, as always, but especially today. It's Leadership Day. I choked back tears when Michael introduced the kids and us teachers - and again when the kids signed the part about babies crying. I hope Ethan is able to do that soon and give you an earful. I miss you and am of course hoping Ethan recovers from this.

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