For a solid week, I was straight-up worn down. It all came to a massive, ugly head on Monday of this week and resulted in the most heart-wrenching day I've had in a long, long time. I'll spare you the details ... just trust me. It was ugly.
In a moment of exhaustion, through desperate pleas for help, God led me here...
"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." -Titus 3:4-5
I don't know about y'all, but as someone who tries to be so many things on any given day - and fails miserably more times than not - those verses spoke peace and truth straight to my core.
I've been in church since I was two, I was baptized when I was nine years old, and I've been steadily growing in my faith since high school. Even still, I forget on a daily basis that my salvation in Christ - His love for me - is not because of those things I do or don't do.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. -Ephesians 2:8-9
Praise God, y'all! Because, seriously. Even on my best day I'm still full of sin and unrighteousness. Then, days like Monday come and I wonder how on Earth anyone could love messed up me, let alone give their life to save mine. Why would someone so pure and blameless take on every bit of my ugliness so that I could be purified and justified through Him? I don't know - I still don't understand it all - but I do know that I am beyond grateful He did.
After all things terrible happened on Monday, I posted this to Facebook:
"I'd be OK if a day like today doesn't happen again for a very long time. Or ever, really. Looking forward to those new mercies in the morning..."
While it deeply saddens me that my family took the brunt of my ugliness on Monday, and while I was very much looking forward to a fresh start, my perspective has since changed. Over the past few days I've realized that, as crazy as it sounds, I am thankful for those hard moments. I am thankful for the moments that serve as a reminder that I need Him - the moments that give me pause and force me into a place of gratitude for His grace and mercy.
I strive to live life in constant awe of God's love for me, and to recognize the gifts He gives each and every day. But let's be honest. A lot of days I tend to think that I'm pretty awesome in and of myself. And, if days like Monday are what it takes to bring me back to a place of humility and dependence on Him, so be it.
"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “no” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." -Titus 2:11-14
Regardless of what kind of week you've had, know you are loved more than you could ever imagine. Rest in blessed hope, be eager to do good, and let His grace and mercy be the salve for those ugly wounds.